19 and Homesick

I miss eating dinner at a table.

I miss waking to the smell of coffee.

I miss the times when the staircase was the only distance between us.

I miss our puppy dog.

I miss our beautiful home.

I miss hearing you laugh and talk.

I miss when I could look at our pictures without tears in my eyes.

I miss the way I never had to make an appointment to see you.

I miss having someone to say goodnight to.

I miss our Sundays.

I miss my corner of the couch.

I miss home cooked meals.

I miss falling asleep next to the fireplace.

I miss the way I never felt lonely.

I miss the way you asked about my day.

I miss the way we talked more than once a week.

I miss never wondering where you are.

I miss when we were functionally dysfunctional.

I miss feeling protected and safe.

I miss the days I didn't worry about money.

I miss life before them.

I miss the days when you still cared about us more than anything.

I miss the times you told me that you were proud of me.

I miss when I wasn't ashamed to admit what we'd become.

I miss having a family.

 

I just want to go home.

Three Thing Thursday: Confessions

I’m going to mix today’s post up a bit due to boredom in my life and routine. Today is Three Thing Thursday: Confession Edition. On this second of September, you will learn of at least three facts that you did not already know about your’s truly.

1. My number one fear is that my car will be invaded by crows or other large birds while I am driving. Seriously. Imagine this before you judge me: you’re cruising along the highway at a steady 65 MPH in your lovely Subaru Outback, windows down, your favorite music flowing. “Oh this is just a lovely world we live in, isn’t it?” you think to yourself, but it’s not today because you’re about to get fucking attacked by a bird the size of your face. Its giant, flailing body enters your window in a frenzy and you begin to chuckle at the thought of a bird being the source of your demise, but this is no joke. This is serious. The bird begins to panic and attempt an escape, but neither of you are getting out of this alive. As you careen into oncoming traffic, the few seconds before your life comes to an end is filled with feathers and bird shit…how funny is this fear now, reader?

2. I eat frozen peas. Not weird? How about the fact that I eat them straight from the freezer? Yep, no cooking necessary for this delicious snacky-snack.

3. I have to take a drink of water in between every bite of food during a meal. I’ve done this for as long as I can remember and I can’t seem to break this weird little habit of mine. I usually drink at least three or four glasses of water during a meal because I just cannot continue eating unless I follow through with my pattern. Most people don’t notice that I do this, which is probably a good thing because everyone that’s ever taken note has made fun of me for it. This also contributes to how long it takes me to finish a full meal.

There are definitely more than three weird things about me that you don’t know, but these are my go-to answers for fun facts. I hope everyone is having a great week.

Enjoy the three day weekend!

Tee-Three

When it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is, it is very difficult to keep track considering that I simply do not care whether it is Thursday, Monday, or Saturday; therefore, Three Thing Thursdays have pretty much fallen off the map. I am here to make up for my absence though! Nothing is really pissing me off anymore because I don’t have to waste 45+ hours a week in a place I dislike, but I am most determined to dig a few things out of the old info-dome. Annnd go:

1. Women With Mustaches- I inherited my facial hair from my father. Why lie about it? If I do not stay on top of it, I will end up with a full-blown mustache, but Jesus invented wax strips and tweezers for a reason and I’ll be damned if I go two weeks without fixing my unfortunate issue. Sure, waxing and tweezing can be painful, laser-treatment is expensive, and bleaching is bad for the environment or something, but nothing is worse than a woman with a mustache. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have a conversation with bearded-females? Let me tell you something: it is physically impossible to make eye-contact with a she-beast…the mustache/side-burn combination definitely steals the attention. Females of the world, I beg you to manage your facial hair…for the sake of everyone around you, especially the man that has to wake up to that every morning.

2. Mold- I wish you were never invented.; you stink and I’m afraid to touch you. I think you’re really just an impatient jerk, actually…just because sometimes I forget to transition my laundry from the washer to the dryer, I forget to do dishes for two weeks, or I spill Febreeze on the floorboard of my car and leave it there, you think it’s okay to waltz on in and stink up the place? And the fact that you’re pretentious enough to creep on into my refrigerator and attack my three-week old lasagna really says something, too. You’re just a furry, smelly bastard.

3. Ring-Back Tones- Not only are they annoying, but these make me look like a moron. Just because you think that your new favorite song is the best and you need to share it with anyone that calls you is not an excuse for this kind of behavior. I just want to call you and figure out what kind time we’re going to the strip club later, but as soon as I hit ’call’, my entire evening has been ruined before I even know it. First I encounter shock as to why there is no ringing and then I enter a state of subconscious belt-it-out karaoke-style singing and then you answer the phone and I have to make a shitty attempt at covering up what was obviously occurring. Now I feel like an idiot and I’m going to hate you for the rest of my life just because you wanted to share your love of Journey with all of the people that call you for drugs. I hope my singing haunts you in your sleep, asshole.

Oooh oooh! Guess who starts school tonight! Shelby does! I’m really excited and nervous at the same time. I have my Space Maker and a Trapper Keeper all ready to go in my back pack by the front door! YAY! I’m going to take first day of school pictures, too. Hahaha!

Opinion: Unemployment

One would assume that without a job, I could devote more time to my blog, but that is obviously a fictitious assumption. I’ve been really busy. Okay, in actuality, I’ve just been sleeping a lot, spending tons of time with my wonderful boyfriend, perfecting my already perfect Free Cell strategies, and making/selling hula hoops. With that said, I have two things to announce: 1) I am happier than I’ve ever been; 2) Getting laid off is one of the best things that has ever happened to me.

For the past year and a half, I woke up with a strange feeling in my stomach and an impeding reminder in my mind that I would be going to work soon. I did not necessarily dislike my job; in fact, at one point I absolutely loved what I did for a living, but the basic truth is that it simply was not the right fit for me and the scary truth is that I overlooked that for monetary reasons. 45 hours a week, I sat in a chair that I did not belong in, impatiently watching the clock and counting down until I could leave. Weekends were failed attempts at escaping my occupation for two days: I dreaded Monday morning when I would have to return to work and could never actually enjoy my time off. For 15 months, I watched my peers enjoy their youth, I watched my stress-levels sky-rocket, I watched my mind progress to that of a 35-year old, and I lost sight of what matters most to me in my life: following my heart and doing what makes me happy.

The day I got laid off, I endured emotions ranging from confusion to anger to happiness- the truth is that I really wasn’t shocked about the company’s decision. I had anticipated this coming for a few months and I was almost relieved when it all was over. Initially, I was so worried about finances and my quality life that I didn’t notice the shift in my mind, body, and surroundings, but once I figured about my bank account realized that I don’t give a shit about money, I was overwhelmed with the way I felt. For the first time for as long as I can remember, I stopped worrying about my job…in fact, I stopped worrying about everything. I remember the day after I lost my job: I woke up around 9 o’clock, got ready for the day, and called boyfriend just to tell him that I was wearing jeans and flip-flops on a Tuesday for the first time in over a year.

For the past two weeks, I’ve slept, spent tons of quality time with people that I love, practiced yoga, gone grocery shopping, played video games, watched movies, sold hula-hoops, worn ripped jeans, and absolutely 100% enjoyed this time without a single concern.

I vow to myself that I will never again spend 33% of my life doing something that makes me so unhappy.

Junk-Food Goddess

For the first time since I turned fifteen-years old, I am officially unemployed.

I don’t really know what this means, so I’ve broken it down a bit:

I no longer have a job.

I don’t need to wake up before seven o‘clock (or noon for that matter).

I don’t have to act like I am 35-years old.

Business/casual dress is OUT of my life.
I have eaten Ramen noodles twice in the last 24-hour period.

I do not have access to Adobe Illustrator (sad!).

I get to spend more time with the people I love.

I am going to be making serious budget adjustments.

I’ve reconsidered my lack of television.

I can stop wasting 10 hours a day on something I dislike.

I have more time to focus on school.

I have more time to focus on things I like to do.

I now have no excuse for my shitty commitment to blogging.

I now realize that what I’ve feared for so long is actually a blessing.

Other than spending time with my wonderful boyfriend, today consisted of two things: junk food and television. When asked what I’d done with my day at one o’clock in the afternoon, I promptly responded with, “Well I showered earlier”. I think I’m doing pretty damn well, right? Some people would consider this the mourning stage after such a traumatic and depressing event, but I’m actually just being lazy. I embrace this inner junk food goddess that has emerged…Superman slippers, messy house, racecar pj’s, Ramen Noodles, and all…I’m a complete package, you guys!

Nothing is lovelier than you.

 

Twenty before 20.

I honestly cannot believe that I’m turning twenty this year. It either seems like I should be turning seven or turning seventy-seven…I don’t feel twenty at all. Regardless, it’s going to happen in approximately twenty weeks and I have twenty very important things that I’d like to accomplish before I start this new decade in my life.

1. Paint my apartment.

2. Create something beautiful with the many, many paper cranes I’ve accumulated.

3. Pay off Queen Loretta Long Boobs (my car).

4. Lose twenty pounds.

5. Read twenty novels (see the progress post).

6. Complete my 60 Day Yoga Challenge.

7. Save $1,000 (about $200/month).
8. Complete my college courses with A’s.

9. Prepare twenty recipes I’ve never tried before (#1-Cheesy Zucchini Pizza).

10. Broaden my career horizons and quit fearing the loss of my job. (I got laid off).

11. Fire hoop for the very first time!

12. Ban processed foods for twenty days straight.

13. Camp on my hammock for a weekend.

14. Veg. out for an entire day (Pj’s, snuggly bed, TV, ice cream, etc.)

15. Visit a town I’ve never been to before.

16. Learn how to change the oil & spark plugs in my own car.

17. Cook the following: pumpkin pie, mashed potatoes, and blueberry muffins (basically just 3 things that I’m craving at this very moment).

18. Learn to drive a vehicle with a manual transmission.

19. Go on a twenty-mile (or more) bike ride.

20. Take a really, really big risk (I don’t know what it’ll be, but hopefully I’ll know when I get to it).

I definitely have my work cut out for me, but by the time I get through this list, I’ll not only be older and wiser, but I’ll have gotten quite a few wonderful experiences under my belt. I’ll check items off as I accomplish them and add the details in (date, location, outcome, etc.), so check back every now and then to accompany me through my last few months as a 19-year old (: