When it doesn’t matter what day of the week it is, it is very difficult to keep track considering that I simply do not care whether it is Thursday, Monday, or Saturday; therefore, Three Thing Thursdays have pretty much fallen off the map. I am here to make up for my absence though! Nothing is really pissing me off anymore because I don’t have to waste 45+ hours a week in a place I dislike, but I am most determined to dig a few things out of the old info-dome. Annnd go:
1. Women With Mustaches- I inherited my facial hair from my father. Why lie about it? If I do not stay on top of it, I will end up with a full-blown mustache, but Jesus invented wax strips and tweezers for a reason and I’ll be damned if I go two weeks without fixing my unfortunate issue. Sure, waxing and tweezing can be painful, laser-treatment is expensive, and bleaching is bad for the environment or something, but nothing is worse than a woman with a mustache. Do you know how uncomfortable it is to have a conversation with bearded-females? Let me tell you something: it is physically impossible to make eye-contact with a she-beast…the mustache/side-burn combination definitely steals the attention. Females of the world, I beg you to manage your facial hair…for the sake of everyone around you, especially the man that has to wake up to that every morning.
2. Mold- I wish you were never invented.; you stink and I’m afraid to touch you. I think you’re really just an impatient jerk, actually…just because sometimes I forget to transition my laundry from the washer to the dryer, I forget to do dishes for two weeks, or I spill Febreeze on the floorboard of my car and leave it there, you think it’s okay to waltz on in and stink up the place? And the fact that you’re pretentious enough to creep on into my refrigerator and attack my three-week old lasagna really says something, too. You’re just a furry, smelly bastard.
3. Ring-Back Tones- Not only are they annoying, but these make me look like a moron. Just because you think that your new favorite song is the best and you need to share it with anyone that calls you is not an excuse for this kind of behavior. I just want to call you and figure out what kind time we’re going to the strip club later, but as soon as I hit ’call’, my entire evening has been ruined before I even know it. First I encounter shock as to why there is no ringing and then I enter a state of subconscious belt-it-out karaoke-style singing and then you answer the phone and I have to make a shitty attempt at covering up what was obviously occurring. Now I feel like an idiot and I’m going to hate you for the rest of my life just because you wanted to share your love of Journey with all of the people that call you for drugs. I hope my singing haunts you in your sleep, asshole.
Oooh oooh! Guess who starts school tonight! Shelby does! I’m really excited and nervous at the same time. I have my Space Maker and a Trapper Keeper all ready to go in my back pack by the front door! YAY! I’m going to take first day of school pictures, too. Hahaha!