Saturday, December 18, 2010

T3- Reasons to Be Nice To Vegetarians :)

Hello reader-folk! I'm still here; don't worry! I'm just a day or two late...we're doing T3 on Saturday this week and I'm sure everyone understands- the holiday season is chaotic and stressful! I didn't even know that it wasn't Thursday until about 2 minutes ago. 

Anyway, just to clarify one important fact about myself and today's post, I don't push my beliefs on people; I absolutely respect the power of individual opinion and I'd never try to change someone's stance on things, except for respecting my opinions and beliefs.  I know that today's title might throw some of you off, but I just want to plead my case on my new-ish lifestyle change. I've been a vegetarian for almost two months now; I feel amazing and this decision has absolutely changed my life. Unfortunately, I've gotten a lot of shit about this decision from family, friends, and acquaintances- this is irritating and I'd like to stand up for myself in my favorite way. Here's why you should be nice to vegetarians (especially this one):

1.)  I'm not doing this for cows- I'm doing this for myself. I love cute, baby chickens as much as the next lady, but this change has gone beyond moral justification. I'm sick of being a typical burger chow-hound, I'm sick of giving into the corporate bullshit, and I'm sick of being a fat, lazy American that eats an average of 260 POUNDS OF MEAT PER YEAR. Companies are lying to consumers about what they put into their product, about how to manufacture their product, and about how they treat their employees. Why would I support that? Why have I supported that for 19 years? I'm taking a stand FOR MYSELF and finally saying 'no' to corporations that have been pumping me with growth hormones and poisons for my entire life.  Here's a nasty-ass fact for you: in the 1960's, chickens took 90 days to develop entirely; today, chickens raised for Tyson only take 43 days. The chickens' muscles grow too quickly for their bones and organs to support, so very few can walk away from their own feces while they're eating. Chickens raised for Tyson never see daylight.

2.) We're helping the environment- Someone told me once that using hairspray was destroying the environment. Here's what I have to say them: Shutup, jerk. Your cheeseburger is killing the environment more than my hairspray, more than cutting down trees, and more than TRANSPORTATION. Suck that, Hairspray-Nazi. Here's an excerpt from "Rethinking the Meat Guzzler", a New York Times article:

"An estimated 30 percent of the earth’s ice-free land is directly or indirectly involved in livestock production, according to the United Nation’s Food and Agriculture Organization, which also estimates that livestock production generates nearly a fifth of the world’s greenhouse gases — more than transportation."
3.)  I feel incredible- I haven't felt this physically-well in my entire life. I have more energy, my skin looks better, I'm losing weight, I sleep better, I poop easier, I save money at the grocery store (according to statistics I will save approximately $4000 per year), and the only thing that gets abused for my dinner is spinach and carrots. Replacing cheeseburgers and hormone-rich steaks with vegetables and natural proteins is the best decision I've ever made. Hell, I'm even willing to put up with ridicule just for the way that I feel now. 

Those are only the top 3 reasons I think people should be more accepting of vegetarianism. This lifestyle is frowned upon in our society and it makes absolutely no sense. At least I know what is going into my food and I know that there is only one carrot in my one carrot and not 1,000 different cows in my one cheeseburger. I'm not standing here with a picket sign telling you not to eat meat; I just want respect for my decision. Quit judging, open your mind, do some research, and show some respect.

Oh, and have a wonderful day :) I love my readers! Thank you all for your support!

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

Beer+Bread=Oh My.

As if beer and bread by itself isn't delicious enough, mixing it together is basically too good to be true. Do it anyway!

Beer Bread Recipe*:
  • 1 Can Preferred Beer (I recommend Fat Tire)
  • 3 Cups Self-Rising Flour
  • 3 Tbsp. Sugar
Preheat oven to 350 degrees, mix all ingredients in large bowl, spray bread pan with non-stick cooking spray, empty contents into pan, bake for approximately 1 hour.

*Recipe compliments of my lovely friend, Amy :)

It's okay guys, we can be fat together!

Thursday, December 9, 2010

T3- Holiday Edition!

SURPRISE! You may say I'm a little late, but I think I have pretty great timing! The holidays are stressful, you know, and what's better for stress than laughing at someone and their lame attempts to be funny! Because there is nothing funnier and more awkward than the holiday season in my home, I figure I'll share some tales from the years past- I will be writing about the three worst Christmas presents I've ever received.

#1) A Christmas on the Homestead- My Great Aunt Norma and Great Aunt Karen are two of the most wonderful women I've ever met and I'm positive that most people would agree with that. They're sweet, creative, and they make some very beautiful things, like quilts, Christmas ornaments, and pot holders. Since my sister and I have progressed into adulthood, we usually find a simple card with a $10 bill stuffed into the envelope, but in our younger years, I think our aunts knew that if they made it, we'd be forced to wear it with a smile on our faces. When I was 6 years old, a large package arrived a few days before Christmas and it was specifically addressed to Alyssa and I; we were excited. My dad must have known its contents because he had his patented "Dad Smirk" going on over on the sidelines, anticipating the sheer embarrassment that would haunt us for years to come. We shredded the box with glee, waiting for copious amounts of toys, candy, and fun hiding in the bottom of the cardboard. There we found two white bonnets with floral pattern, paired with matching aprons for each of us. Suited up in our homestead gear and dreading the day when someone else would see the photo, we faked a smile and acted like the miniature housewives we were dressed to be. As I'm complaining about this gift, I remember that I asked my sister for an apron this year...

#2) The Sweater Heard 'Round the World- Grannies give the best presents: they get you the things mom won't, they spend half of their retirement money to make you smile, and they don't quite understand when gifts are not a good idea. Grannies aren't perfect though...they make mistakes just like the rest of us. When I was 8 years old, my sister and I were playing with our Hot Wheels in the living room when my mom brought out two identically wrapped packages and placed them under the tree. Immediately after she had left the room, we were shaking, smelling, and weighing the packages to guess their contents; the package was jingling. "Everything that jingles is fucking awesome", I said to my sister, "Granny gives better presents than mom, so I'm opening this bitch first." A few days later on Christmas, that is exactly what I did...just like the stupid, little bastard I was. Made with dark black, very fuzzy yarn, laid a knitted sweater in the bottom of my box. Picking the lump of fabric up with hesitation and fear, I unfolded the mystery. Two pointy ears, two giant eyes, a little pink nose, and a curved smile sat above a jingly bell: I was holding a kitty-cat sweater. I met my sister's eyes with horror when I realized what had just happened. "Put it on, put it on, put it on", my mother cooed, "I want to take a picture for your Granny!" Alyssa and I came tromping out of our bedroom, jingling like two awkward-looking, scrawny, rejected reindeer with frowns on or faces. "Meowwww", we mumbled as my mother snapped the photo.

#3) Hindsight is always 20/20- I resent that 10 years ago, this gift would have made my "Best Gifts Ever" list. As I unwrapped the small shirt-box, I was expecting a sweater or a pair of jeans from JC Penney like every other box under the tree probably contained. When I pulled the denim overalls out of the box, I was immediately stoked, but as I unfolded them and discovered the Looney Toons embellishments lining the pockets and straps, I peed my pants in excitement. "I am going to be the coolest girl in all of third grade", I said outloud, "I'll wear my hair in pigtails and I'll wear my favorite purple t-shirt underneath". When I see pictures of me wearing these Tweety Bird overalls, I cannot help but cringe. A comforting fact is that I recognize the distaste of Looney Toons (or Disney) embellished clothing and I'd rather view photos of myself at 10 years old wearing it than be seen in a Walmart wearing the same pair at 30 years old. 

These are all bad gifts, but they must have had some kind of meaning because I still remember every detail to this day. The truth is that sometimes a thoughtful, ugly gift is much more meaningful than a gift card or some body spray from the dollar store. And in regards to grannies, they must be able to predict the did she know I'd grow up to be a cat lady?

Happy Holidays, everyone. Welcome back! :)

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Twenty Before 20 Novel Progress

It was too cluttered in the original Twenty post to keep track of all of the novels I've read so far, so I decided to make a separate post designated for that. It's not like I don't have at least ten posts just about books's expected when you are unemployed and live with your cats. Here we go!

Autobiography of a Fat Bride- Laurie Notaro
The Flaming Tantrum of Death- Laurie Notaro
One for the Money- Janet Evanovich
Two for the Dough- Janet Evanovich
Three to Get Deadly- Janet Evanovich
Four to Score- Janet Evanovich
A Million Little Pieces- James Frey 

Oh boy, I have a lot to do before my birthday. Because I've read all of these in the past month, it seems like I've done far much more than I actually have. Everyone already knows I'm a slacker though; I don't have an image to uphold anymore, but LOOK AT ME BLOGGING RIGHT NOW! High fives all around! :)