Thursday, April 28, 2011

T3- 4/28

I'm running out of exciting names for the T3 posts, so I'm just going to use dates from now on. What do you want from me? I just posted a T3 a few days ago, so this post is going to be a test of my bitching abilities...I don't know if I can top the back fat poem though. I'll try...

1.) Skinny tank tops- The spanx for your upper body!! This shit is false advertisement. Let's view this from the gentleman's side of things: you're hanging out at the bar and you see a decent looking female from across the way...make your move, man. Score #1: she's drunk. Score #2: she's easy. Score #3: she's coming home with you. You two are macking face on your hand-me-down loveseat and you go to cop a feel...hmmm, interestingly rock-hard abs! Score #4 for you, right? Nope. You take her tank top off and you're sorely disappointed: this woman has a beer gut. You're a shallow piece of crap for caring so much, but she's a deceitful bitch for hiding behind a tank-top because she's too lazy to do a few crunches. Ladies, these tank tops are not going to make you skinny...exercising and laying off of the malt liquor will make you skinny.

2.) Locker room nudists- Confidence is a wonderful thing; lack of discretion is a terrible thing. When these two collide in a locker room, the result is obnoxious and unpleasant. I'm not necessarily shy in the locker room: I change my clothes, I don't care who sees my body, and I move on with my gym experience. I do not, however, mosey around the room in the buff, slather lotion on my entire, naked body, or preform post-workout stretches while I'm changing. I can even handle these things most days, but when I see buttholes, I tend to get frustrated; I am NEVER prepared to see a woman's butthole on a daily basis.

3.) Captain Crunch- I just can't stay away from you and your crunch berries! You irresistible hunk of man, you!

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